Are you pampering your child too much? Why some parents pamper their children so much? if they think that they are showing their love by doing this, then they’re wrong .because they may end up by spoiling them. If you’re one of those parents, either you are already facing some trouble because of it OR the trouble is coming ..Don’t worry! You’ll know what kind of trouble you have probably made your child’s life so comfortable, that they now fight with you the moment you ask them to do something difficult, or something they disagree with.
You have given your child so many privileges or luxuries that they can’t adjust in tougher conditions outside the home. You have perhaps been saying yes to all their demands and now. They can’t accept a ‘NO’, they get angry and throw tantrums every time you refuse to fulfill their wish. You have maybe given them so much that they don’t even value any of it. In short, they are spoiled. why do parents do it?
There could be many reasons :
1. You want them to have the life YOU never had.
2. You don’t have time to spend with them and you just shower them with toys, gifts, and luxuries.
3.or maybe this is how you show your love. You don’t know any better way.
4.or possibly, you think your child will HATE you if you say no to them, and you want your child to love you.
You may have so many reasons for pampering your child, but whatever the reasons are, our recommendation to you is very simple.do not do it! but of course it’s not that simple, the problem is complex. You, as a parent, have a certain level of wealth and resources… What will you do with it if you’re not going to let your children enjoy them ? and where is the line? Like how much should you give? how much is too much? how much is too little? There is no measurable or one-size-fits-all answer for this. We’ll going to give you a framework to think about this problem. Consider the following points.
1. First, try to answer this question,“ when this child becomes an adult…Would they remember and sustain all that you did for him ?“ the answer may change every so often. One day, your child will be very responsible and talented, someday it will feel they are useless and incompetent. But you must keep those questions in mind, will your child be able to afford the rent of the big house they’re living in ? are they capable enough to buy the expensive branded clothes you buy them so casually? If not, how will the future look like ? how long these privileges need to be given? Ultimately, you will have to independent, why not start a little earlier? why not start today? this brings us to the second point.
2. Creating a balance of responsibility vs.privileges in the house is necessary in the beginning. Responsibilities in childhood include school work and house chores. Some other responsibilities could be, to remain healthy, maintain decorum in the house, even being respectful to parents…You need to make privileges somewhat conditional on these responsibilities. Essentially, give them a taste of adult life. Which is, if you don’t work, you don’t get the car.
3. Ask another question to yourself…Are you giving them resources for their growth? Or for their pleasure?If you’re spending money on your child’s music classes, sports classes, books, etc. It’s very different from spending money on their toys, gadgets, clothes, birthday parties. Whatever you’re spending on them..is it being used by the child to just have more fun ? or is it being used to try out a new skill, or to become better at something, to explore talents, to start a new project, etc. The problem would begin when you start spending excessively on their fun, without proportionately spending on their talents and growth. So make sure you’re investing proportionately in their joys and their talents.
4. Are you making your child grateful for what you’re doing for them? if you think that when giving them everything, then they will love you in the future, so sorry to tell you that it won’t happen like that. They will most likely take everything for granted. More often than not, you’ll just find them complaining about the things they didn’t get. So, it’s your job to make them realize the value of what you’re giving them. It’s your job to make them thankful for it, it’s your job to tell them that millions and billions of people probably don’t have the same privileges.
Your children must realize the value of everything you’re giving them for free, like why you’re spending so much money and time for them, only to be hated later? You give them everything and they grow up resenting you and not talking to you? what’s the point of it all? who did you do it for? So, gratitude must be taught to them, explicitly. And the first step there would be to show gratitude to your parents…Consistently.
5. You must say ‘NO’ from time to time to your children. They must learn to deal with it. But, don’t do it arbitrarily. Say it, only when you have good reasons when it’s needed. The main thing here is to learn not to be afraid of the child’s anger or Tantrums. In fact, if they show Tantrums or anger, then you’ll have to become even more strict in saying no.Your goal is to make sure that they accept your ‘NO’ with respect, that their anger and tantrums will never turn a ‘NO’ into a ‘YES’.If you get scared and say yes…to avoid fighting with them, you’re only making them stronger. This is basic operant conditioning. By letting their anger win, you’re reinforcing their bad behavior… As a parent, you must strive to have the authority to say no and still be respected.
Finally, follow the cliché because it’s very true. Your time is the best gift, children need your time, your love, your care. That’s the biggest gift. Pamper them with your time whenever you can, not with things, if you want them to love you all your life, give them good memories with you, not just stuff which anyone can buy them.